Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Open Letter Mondays (Tuesday edition)

An Open Letter to My Love of Apocalypse-Themed Movies

Dear My Love of Apocalypse-Themed Movies,

I really don't understand you. You're like an evolutionary dead end. I understand that I have such convoluted, intricate movie preferences that most people would probably prefer an unanesthetized tooth extraction to trying to find a movie to watch with me, but you're such an outlier. I don't know where you came from.

I genuinely like documentaries. I prefer movies with subtitles in which nothing much is happening, ever, and things are going very slowly. Preferably with only one or two people onscreen at a time (more than that, and I get confused). No horror movies. Preferably nothing scary of any type, unless it falls into an incredibly narrow subsection of certain obscure science fiction genres. No comedies, unless it's incredibly dry comedy where the likelihood of anyone laughing out loud is very, very infitesimal. No romances. Ever. Preferably avoiding any romance-related subplot, unless it's one where everyone is most definitely going to end up sad and bereft. No chase scenes. Unless they're very, very low-speed chase scenes in which no one is going to end up getting hurt. NO LOUD NOISES EVER. Extra points for scenes in which no one says anything at all but simply sit and exchange significant looks with each other.

And yet! And yet, you, my love for apocalypse-themed movies, you continue to plague me, ruining any hope of Netflix ever actually recommending anything I'd like, making most of my brain shriek in protest, and causing a deep, soul-scorching sense of shame.

I hate you.


A Note on Technical Difficulties

Because something has apparently possessed my computer (and because of the upcoming holiday) posting will likely be rather light in the next few days. But! I have two new reviews forthcoming.

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