Monday, May 30, 2011

Open Letter Mondays

An Open Letter to Those People Who Get Weirdly Huffy About Inevitable Awkward Moments

Dear People Who Get Weirdly Huffy About Inevitable Awkward Moments,

I know, I know. How awkward! I was pulling the bathroom door open at the very moment you were pushing it to walk out. How humorous, our weird little jig to get around each other. Awkward, yes, but a pretty unavoidable fact of life (see also, stepping into someone's path on the sidewalk, inadvertently falling in step with someone you don't know, reaching for the same napkin in the dispenser, being on the elevator when it's going really slowly, etc.).

These things happen. One cannot avoid them, unless one wants to move to, say, Wyoming, which I think has the least dense population of any state in America, where I'm pretty sure one could avoid not only that awkward moment when we bump into each other at the bathroom door but also people entirely.

That's a good solution! Go live off the grid. Then you won't have to worry about anyone inadvertently trying to get into the bathroom at the precise moment you are trying to exit.

But until then? Handle these little awkward moments with more grace. I'm not part of some grand conspiracy, waiting around the corner until I see the door moving and then lunging forward to grab it at the precise moment that you're trying to exit. I'm not a Bathroom Door Clogging Flash Mob of One. These weird little moments are going to happen until you either die or go live on the moon in glorious isolation. Get used to it.

Sincerely,
Me

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