Thursday, May 19, 2011

Taking Responsibility (You're Doing It Wrong Edition)

So, the Catholic Church has released the findings of a nearly 2 million dollar study into the sex abuse scandal that broke in 2002.

The study, performed by the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, blames "social factors" of the 1960s and 1970s on the abuse, citing things like the rising divorce rate, drug use, and promiscuity.


Of all the excuses that I have come up with in my life, I don't think I could have fabricated something this bizarre.

Alana, why did you eat that entire cake? Permissive attitudes of the 60s, man. Not my fault.

Did you even try to get your car in between the lines?! Nope. 1960s liberalism, baby! I can park wherever I want!

You do realize that if you don't wash your hair soon, no one is going to be friends with you anymore. Squares! The let-it-all-hang-out ethos of the 60s will be my credo from now on.

Your habit of never checking your messages is really frustrating to people trying to talk to you. They didn't even HAVE cell phones in the 60s. How can you expect me to remember to look at my phone?!

Stop leaving that tiny bit of peanut butter in the jar and putting it back in the cabinet. FASCISTS.

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